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13 October 2008 @ 03:25 pm
A while back, I got the compulsion to try to pass myself off as a fascist on the Rotten Tomatoes message board. By happenstance, I have rediscovered the fruit of this endeavor, and am posting it for your benefit. Enjoy

Thule Warrior's Best and Worst of late 2006/early 2007

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters
This morally degenerate film represents everything horrendous about our decaying, mongrelized culture. A generation of physically and intellectually crippled effeminates has been raised by the hypnotic eye of institutions such as Cartoon Network in nothing more than an attempt to ressurect the decadence and cultural degredation of the early 20th century avant garde. The intent of peddlers of degenerate "art" in both the former and the latter halves of the 20th century is the same - undermining the traditions that ensure our existence as a people. The only difference is that back in those days, we had strong, fierce-willed leaders who knew how to handle subversive art; by taking the awesome responsibility to no longer allow it to contaminate the mental health of the population. We are living in the time of Ragnarok - on the one hand, we have people who believe in justice, order, and the well-being of the traditional family unit, and on the other hand, we have bomb-throwing anarchists who gleefully delight in the nihilistic and pornographic fever dreams of the pothead sons of liberal media gurus. We need another president like Bill Clinton* - be in L.A., Waco, or Seattle, he knew how to restore justice, with the jack-boot, and when anarchist terrorist disciples of Aqua Teen Hunger Force hold major metropolitan areas hostage with moon cult-themed psychological warfare, it's time to strike back with the dexterity and precision of a viper and scorch the earth of the virus that threatens the security of our great nation. Kids will say I'm too old to "get with it", to appreciate the profound artistic statement of watching a robot have sex with an orange alien. I pray this be a blessing on my part, because I've tasted their remedies for "teen hunger" and they are indeed quite foul.
0 out of 5 stars

Pan's Labyrinth
An equally disgusting and deplorable film, and in a much more subtle and sinister way. I knew things were bad but I never knew they had gotten this bad! A double-decker of 100-percent-open Red propaganda and rosy-eyed glorification of the matriarchal diabolism of the Neolithic European savages. Less astute audience members falsely assume the faeries, trolls, satyrs, and angels that populate this film to be mere whimsy, unaware of the very sinister and very real origins of these creatures. WE ARE AT WAR with the intellectual descendants of the protagonists of this film! You may not take fairies and giants and dragons seriously but the adepts of Illuminism and Invisiblism take them very seriously. What seems like up-beat fantasy escapism is really a ridiculously blatant bout of cheer-leading for Pagan decadence that seeks to undermine every achievement of European civilization - capitalism, democracy, the Enlightenment, progress! The antagonist in this film is a general in Franco's army - the protagonists are openly identified as anarchist insurrectionist guerrillas who want to reduce Spain to chaos and lawlessness. Would moviegoers tolerate a film about black radicals murdering heroic local police officers? Heck no! But the fog of history conceals this film's advocacy of terrorism - terrorism against the Spain of Franco, one of the most courageous leaders in modern history, and by proxy, terrorism against all forces of decency in the world. Were Pan's Labyrinth to be recast as Osama's Labyrinth, in which Islamic fundamentalists take the place of Spanish anarchists and a general of the modern-day U.S. replace one of 40s Spain, who would dare grant the film the unanimous praise that professional reviewers have given this film? And if we show weakness at the hands of the enemy, life will imitate art in the case of this film's ending, mobs of anarchist riff-raff engaging in extra-judicial executions of all who fight to preserve Western democracy coupled with initiates into the cult of Luna taking their place on golden thrones, next to their sinister gods, with the demonic "faun" grinning behind them knowingly.
0 out of 5 stars

At this point, you're thinking that it's just the froo-froo arthouse tear-jerkers and avant garde pieces of pornography for mentally retarded stoner-hipsters that have been ruthlessly coated in venomous propaganda. To shatter this naive delusion, a trip to your local cinema to see Pathfinder is all that's needed. A fun popcorn flick? Think again. A blond-haired, blue-eyed viking takes up arms against his blond-haired blue-eyed kindred who are struggling heroically to colonize America to make it a safe and productive land - in defense of a tribe of cannibal barbarians who, if they had won out ion the end, would have us all wallowing in our own dung in mud huts worshiping hideous idols, thus serving as a parable that justifies the most despicable acts of race-tretchery encouraged by almost every facet of our increasingly corrupt and decadent society. I for one am sorry that a nobleman like Lief Erikson lost out against the flesh-eating Indian savage and grateful that civilized men like Columbus and Washington won out in the end, but maybe that's just me!
1 out of 5 stars

If you want to see an accurate depiction of pre-Columbian life, look no further. The blood-drinking savages in this film are not a quaint relic of history, their descendants make up the majority of the population of Mexico, itching at the border to steal our jobs and contaminate our culture. Is it a surprise that Mel Gibson's adroit vision has made him a pariah in an entertainment industry run by bloodthirsty liberals?
5 out of 5 stars

WOW! What a film! Nothing could more beautifully and completely contain to the very dot the current political situation of the world. Pure-blooded, masculine Spartan men fought to the death rather than have their country run over by a gang of sodomites, deformed cripples, and beastial mongrel-men of all tribes, their bodies self-mutilated beyond recognition and their minds polluted by Pagan occultism and anti-democratic despotism. SOUND FAMILIAR? It's no coincidence. Frank Miller, author of the source comic book, put it very eloquantly: "Let's finally talk about the enemy. Somebody--for some reason, nobody seems to be talking about who we're up against,uh, and the sixth-century barbarism they actually represent. These people saw peoples' heads off. They enslave women, they genetically mutilate their daughters. Um, they, they, they do not behave by any cultural norms that are sensible to us. Um, I'm speaking into a microphone that never could've been a product of their culture. And I'm living in a city where 3,000 of my neighbors were killed by, uh, thieves of airplanes they never could've built." This movie puts the camera lens right in the face of the brutal barbarism of our enemies and the heroism of the men keeping the barbarians at the gate, many thanks in part to Miller's precision-grasp of apocalyptic current events. A man after my own heart, he is currently penning a comic in which Batman battles Al-Qaeda, a breath of fresh air in an industry ruled by occult-minded anarchist moonbat hacks such as Alan Moore and Grant Morrison. Please tell me this is the next big budget Miller adaptation, it may be just what our county needs in these troubling times.
5 out of 5 stars

*I cannot endorse his personal life, but he is leagues above the Skull and Bones illuminist currently making himself feel fit to run our beautiful country into the mud with despicable acts of deliberate acts of white genocide such as the guest-worker visa program and the overt softness and incompetence when confronting terrorist scum.

The thread was very quickly locked, but I believe it's time for another. Any film requests for Thule Warrior to review?

NKBstjudesinferno on October 16th, 2008 05:56 am (UTC)
Do that horror that was the 4th Indiana Jones film.
NKBstjudesinferno on October 16th, 2008 06:02 am (UTC)
Also I recommend also posting it to the IMDB boards, it'll likely generate even more biting.